Ticking or scratching?

I recently bumped into an old work colleague of mine at the shops. Since the last time we had seen each other she had had a baby and we had both gotten married. This was all discussed, even though we both knew most of it due to Facebook.

She then asked me what I was at the shops for, she was there to have her computer fixed. I showed her the paper I had in my hand with a list of things I needed to complete over the day. She said “oh a list, who would have thought you would have a list?” In that I am joking, being sarcastic, yet honest tone of voice people get when they are pointing out the obvious (I am also one to do this). I laugh and say yeah. Shortly after we part ways.

This chance encounter has stuck with me over the last few days. I can’t decide about what has exactly stuck with me, whether it’s the fact that I am apparently predictable, that I like lists, or that I feel judged because even though it’s been a year since I last saw her, I still use lists.

Lists help me keep track of everything I need to remember to get done that day. They help me to prioritise my work load. They help me create work – reward scenarios so I complete jobs that I don’t particularly like, and then I get to eat chocolate or watch a show I recorded. They help me count down to a goal. And most importantly, they help me control my anxiety when I start to feel myself spiralling.

They help me to find a start, a middle and an end. I don’t need her approval for my way of keeping control of my life, but what I would like is to not be judged for it. To not have her point out that I haven’t changed. And to be honest, I haven’t found a better way to keep track of all the little things that come into my mind that I need to get done. Why change something that is clearly working for me? And who is she to judge me?

Sometimes I have lists nested within others lists. Say I have a task to “Edit website banner”, it might have mini tasks of “get wording”, “get draft approval”, “get final approval” and “publish”. Other times I might just refer to a previous days list and say “complete tasks from yesterday”. Sometimes I draw little checkboxes and instead of crossing out I put a tick in the box next to the completed item. It all depends on the type of mood I am in – do I feel like ticking or scratching?

Anyway, I guess what I am saying is, I like lists, I like striving to achieve goals, I like crossing jobs off my list. I feel a huge sense of accomplishment when I look at my lists at the end of the day and see nearly every job crossed off. I like lists. And I don’t want to be judged for it.

Always & Forever
Mrs T xx

Done as a part of the daily prompt Ready, Set, Done


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