Tomorrow is the first day at my new job. I am equal parts nervous and excited. It’s a new beginning for me. I am reentering the corporate world after a 6 month break doing contracts and working for small businesses. I am very keen to get back to managing my own projects, having the support of a team and getting time to create high quality solutions, effectively,rather than semi quality solutions in high speed.
Tomorrow I get to decide who I am going to be. The people I am going to work with, they don’t know me. They don’t know my past, my issues or who I am. Do I go in with my very best foot forward, or do I go in as the person I mean to carry on as? It has taken me a long time to realise that I am a people pleaser. I want everyone to like me. And about 9 months ago (a few months before our wedding), I decided that I needed to change that. I needed to start making myself happy. So tomorrow I have decided to put a Good foot forward, rather than the very best, and to carry on that way. This way I am happy with myself and happy with the way I will be perceived.
This does not mean that I am anything other than a good person and employee. I am just saying that, I want people to like me, but I have also decided that I want to be good at my job, and not have my fear of not being liked, continue to get in the way of my career. I am too much of a social butterfly trying to make friends at work. I need to be more of myself, and try less to make friends, if that makes sense. People will either like me for who I am, or be impressed by my skills, ability and work ethic. I am female, and in I.T., I would like to think I can have both, but I have yet to come across a work situation where I have both been liked and respected. But that’s a blog for another time.
So, tomorrow, I have decided that I am going to walk in without a mask on. I am going to be myself from the very first day. A good worker, who knows what she is doing, who has 10 years of experience under her belt, who should be taken seriously and who is friendly and approachable.
I am going to be me, high heel wearing, coloured pen using, glasses wearing, web development loving, problem solving me. I am not going to pretend to be someone else, just to fit in any more. I will adapt to my team, and make an effort to fit with the team, but I won’t change who I am any more. I am happy with me, that’s all that matters.
Reading back over this, I feel like I have made a bit of a jumble over this, but I can’t think of a better way to explain this. In efforts to fit in, I have always tried too hard. Organising ping pong tournaments, Friday team lunches and more. I need to stop doing that. I would prefer to be respected because I am awesome at what I do (which I am), but I think it is diluted by my efforts to fit in, and those same efforts are what cause people not to respect me in my profession. That is going to change tomorrow. A new day, a new beginning.
Always & Forever
Mrs. T xx