Are you going to find out the sex?

Lately, I have been getting asked “How far along are you?” and I reply with “XX weeks” (18 for those playing at home), this is then invariably followed up with “Oh that’s nice. Are you going to find out the sex?” or some variation.

I personally don’t mind people asking. My problem is with my answer “Yes we are finding out”. It has nothing to do with their response, but with mine. I do not want to find out. I have zero preference for the sex of my child. I just want the baby to be born with 10 fingers, 10 toes and all of the rights bits in all of the right places. And for me not to need a million stitches. I literally do not care if it is a boy or a girl. Hence, why I don’t want to find out. When I tell people this, they look at me strangely and can’t comprehend why I wouldn’t want to know. “Don’t you want to be ready?”, well yes of course, but what does colour coordination have to do with being ready?

However, I have family members who “need” to find out. Not because they want to know, they are also happy for a surprise, but for people like my own mother who lovingly hand make baby items, and need to colour coordinate. This I can completely understand. The things that my mother will make for me and the baby are the most gorgeous items, and will be treasured for life. Hand stitched shawls, knitted baby clothes, newborn props for photos, and the list goes on. I do want all of that to be the right colours and to make that happen, she needs to know because they can take her several months to finish.

And then there is also the baby shower. My estimated guest list is 62 women. Do I really want 62 people’s worth of presents in pale greens and yellows? No, no I do not. The babies room and furniture are all neutral colours, so I want all the toys and presents to be bright and colourful. Not pale green and yellow.

But then, I have people like my mother-in-law and my grandfather who have both stated that they don’t want to find out. My grandfather even went so far as to say “If anyone tells me the sex I will knock their heads off”. Lovely right? I thought it was my decision (and hubby’s) if we found out.

This is all compounded by the fact that hubby wants to find out. He is a planner and needs to know what is coming so that he can do things a certain way. I don’t think the baby is going to care if something is done in blue rather than pink or vice versa, but it seems to matter to him. It’s his way of being a part of the pregnancy because he doesn’t really get to participate in the growing pains, sore boobs, stretched skin, heartburn, insomnia, the bladder the size of a 1 cent coin or any of the other pleasant sensations I have experienced thus far.

Anyways, long story short, logically I understand all of the pros and cons to this whole thing, so we are finding out the sex (YAY!) and doing a balloon pop gender reveal (YAY!), if I have to find out, then I want to find out with a bang (pun intended haha). I am still lacking in the excitement department about this, however hopefully in two weeks time it will have arrived.

Always & Forever

Mrs T xxx

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There is a small human growing inside of me.

Again, I have been a terrible blogger and 3 months have gone by since my last blog. So firstly, yes I am still pregnant! We made it through the first trimester and all of our scans and tests have been great so far. We are currently 17 weeks along and up to the stage of deciding whether or not we want to find out the sex. But I will leave that for another blog post.

What I want to talk about today is this feeling that I get every now and then. It’s hard to describe, somewhat elusive, and it sneaks up on me every now and then. Like it did this morning, when I was lying in bed after Mr T had left for work.

Am I really pregnant? Is there really a baby inside of me? I don’t feel pregnant. I don’t feel like I have changed. Is this all a dream? Is it all a big fat lie? Am I going crazy like Queen Mary, so desperate for a child that I am imaging it all?

Then I calm down. Yes I really am pregnant – I have four pregnancy tests that show¬†positive. Yes there really is a baby growing inside of me – I have several ultrasounds that show me it’s little arms and legs. No this is not all a dream or a big fat lie, and no I am not going crazy. I have changed my diet to be more accommodating of a baby, eating a much better ratio of junk to health food. Our house is experiencing furniture movement and is about to have all the new baby furniture that you need. I get regular tests and have regular doctors appointments. I am definitely pregnant.

But, I don’t feel pregnant.

I guess what I mean is that, I thought I would feel different, internal organ-wise. Now I know that is a strange thing to say, it’s not like you can feel your kidney sitting here and your liver sitting there. But I did expect to feel my uterus pushing things out of the way, to feel like there was something “extra” inside of me. To my dismay, I do not feel that.

Every now and then, I forget I am pregnant. I will be reading my book, cooking dinner, having a shower, and then suddenly look down and see my belly, and think “Oh, that’s right, there’s a small human growing inside of me”. Every time I go to the bathroom, I still check to see if my period has started. Not exactly believing that it has actually been 4 months since my last period.

I am not sure if this is normal. I haven’t really asked anyone, but surely I am not the only person on the planet to be in disbelief? My friends tell me that it doesn’t feel real until about a week after they have been born. Then one day something inside of you just clicks and you think “I have an actual baby” and from then on everything is real. I am really looking forward to that feeling.

And then I feel it move. The bubbles started last week, and now they feel a bit more solid, the pressure lasts longer than a split second. And it’s usually after a frozen dessert or a really hot meal. I love this baby, and I would be completely devastated if something happened. But everyday there is a minute here and a minute there where I suffer moments of disbelief.

Hopefully once I am as big as a tent, I will “feel” pregnant, haha.

Always & Forever,

Mrs T xxx