Over the weekend, I had a massive fight with my family. My parents, my brother and my sister, all had something to tell me about myself that they didn’t like. It was as if, because one had started, that they felt it was okay for them to all pile it on.
Their list of grievances were:
- I say things without thinking, and don’t even realise I have upset them. They said it was like I hit them with a semi-trailer and then just kept driving. Apparently its not all the time, once every few months or so, but it still hurts.
- When we moved 25 minutes north of them to be closer to work and university, I isolated myself from them. My mother has never forgiven me for this. It has been 3 years, and she still hates it. My isolation has then:
- Made my 15 year old sister feel like we have grown apart
- Made me disconnect from my family, because I only go back to their house once a month
- And to the above point, lose touch with who my family are so I don’t understand when I have hurt them with something I have said.
I could go on with a long list of reasons for justifying myself, a list of all the things they have done to wrong me. But those are just excuses. I don’t want to sink to their level, and point out all of their flaws, to justify my horribleness.
All I have done is alternate between crying, being angry and trying not to think about it. I am sick to my stomach. All I was trying to do, was be true to myself. To make my own happiness. But apparently all I have done is make them upset with me.
I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can get over this. I don’t know if I want to get over this. I don’t know if I want to ever see them again. This was too much for me right now.
I am damaged and I feel broken on the inside.
Always & forever,
Mrs T xxx